A friend from college posted an extremely real Mother's Day post on Sunday. It wasn't the fluffy 'my kids are my life I love being mom!' variety. It was the 'this is by far the hardest, most exhausting thing I have ever done' type of posts and I knew how she was feeling. And so did about 60 other women who liked or commented on the post, adding their own quips and stories and showing general solidarity towards her. (which side note #props for the support and no mom shaming, I was proud to be called woman!)
Another mutual friend commented that growing up LDS sometimes we get the false impression that if we make all of the right decisions that life (including motherhood) will be easy for us. I have thought about that a lot in the last 24 hours.
The thing is, living the gospel doesn't guarantee that our life will be without trials. In fact I would venture to say that living the gospel will guarantee that we will have trials, that our commitment will be tested time and time again. President Monson reminded us that 'The call for courage comes constantly to each of us. Every day of our lives courage is needed- not just for the momentous events but more often as we make decisions or respond to circumstances around us.'
And isn't that the same in motherhood? We can be doing it all perfect (if there is such a thing) and things can still go horribly wrong. Just Sunday I was outside showing my son how to throw a bean bag while playing corn hole, and he decided that the same action could be repeated with rocks and started throwing them! Not what I wanted! In the last few months he has become obsessed with the sacrament, so every Sunday we give him a tiny piece of bread and water during that sacred ordinance. A few months back, after he had already been given the water, he watched as the tray with cups got farther and farther away from him and started asking for more. I tried to quiet him, but his cries became louder and more desperate until he was yelling 'WATER!' as loud as he could as I struggled to get out of the pew and into the overflow as quickly as I could.
But I was doing what I was supposed to! He should have felt the spirit and been perfectly content sitting in the sacrament room or throwing bean bags. The reality is that isn't how life is! And it is so hard to wake up day in and day out and read the same books, have the same arguments with a tantrum throwing two year old, forget the last time we showered or watched a show uninterrupted. It is not easy, it will never be easy.
When I was a teen, my cousin and I sang a song for our mothers on mothers day. At the time I thought nothing of it, but the more I parent, the more I think on those lyrics and how very true they are to me, and hopefully to you as well. The song is called 'Keeping Sheep'.
I have a little flock of sheep,
And they are mine to tend and keep,
And I must guard them ev’ry day,
For little lambs, when left alone, will lose their way.
So many voices say to me,
“A sheep-fold is no place to be.
Your time in there is dull and slow,
And lambs leave very little room for you to grow.”
Oh, If I ever start to stray,
Deceived by thoughts of greener pastures,
Remind me Lord, that keeping sheep
Will lead to happier ever-afters.
Will lead to happier ever-afters.
Oh surely there will come a day
When all the lambs have left my side,
And I am free to roam about,
And go exploring other meadows green and wide.
Yet something whispers in my heart
That when my sheep have left this pen
I’ll long to stroke their little heads,
To draw them close to me and have them young again.
So, if I ever start to stray,
Deceived by thoughts of greener pastures.
Remind me Lord, that keeping sheep
Will lead to happier ever-afters.
Will lead to happier ever-afters.
So while they still are in my care,
I pray that I will clearly see
These little lambs within my fold
Are tender gifts a loving Father has given me.
I won't pretend that I have this attitude all the time in parenting. I won't pretend I have this attitude 50% of the time even. But when I stop and really thing about it, I am reminded at how important and sacred this role is- regardless of how well I am doing. My effort is better than my not trying. And hopefully I won't screw up my kids too badly.
And even if I do, at least he will know how to throw rocks. :)
