So now that the cat is out of the bag about our little bundle of joy (hopefully...it would be weird if it ended up being a cat or something...) I have a lot to say about being pregnant... I have had a lot of funny things happen, a lot of frustrating things happen and this baby already has so many stories associated with him or her, but I need this thing to be the first public thing I ever say about my child.
Yesterday I had a rough day. Like didn't take a shower until 5pm, couldn't get myself to eat anything because nothing was what I wanted, hard to do work kind of rough. I was texting with a friend and after a few text back and forth had to apologize because I was being soooooo negative Nancy.
I knew I had Young Women's last night so at around 5 I finally dragged my bum off of the couch and up to the shower as I started pondering what we were going to be doing for activity and then in the shower had a hard time standing up. It was at this point that I thought 'Why on earth do women do this to themselves??' I immediately felt guilty for thinking it and got out of the shower then being mad at myself for thinking something like that when a thought entered my mind...
This child was God's child long before it will ever be mine
Then I lost it. I had been feeling so imperfect and so gross and so not womanly and then this thought saved and humbled me. What trust He must have in all of us to send us His children and ask us to do everything in our power to make sure they make it back to Him. ME who sometimes forgets to brush her own teeth or say her own prayers is supposed to teach this child how to feel like a loved child of our Father in Heaven. Then something else occurred to me.
I was God's child long before I was ever my parent's daughter.
This is something I feel like God has been teaching me over and over and over again. There are times I feel so distant from my Father in Heaven and times that I feel like He just isn't where I want Him to be, but this one thought, this one simple thought has helped me to realize just how much He loves me and this baby. We are His.
The whole thought of motherhood is terrifying to me (don't believe me? Read this: http://tinyurl.com/lqcrhkv ) but knowing that this child has the most perfect Heavenly parent makes me feel less pressure to be perfect. I'm going to have terrible, no good, very bad days. But this child is God's child, and so I will love him or her with a love as close to Gods' as I can.
But I can't promise I'll remember the whole teeth brushing thing...
